Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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