ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
