Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
