Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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