i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
