i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
