i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
