Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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