obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize