I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
