so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
