ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
