i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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