Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
