i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
