But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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