My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
