I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
