Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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