I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I just put wine in my tea
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
