If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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