im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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