I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
