STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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