I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
