I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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