Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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