how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
