We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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