Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
