I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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