she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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