I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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