I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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