i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
