Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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