Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
