just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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