can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
