if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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