Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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