every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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