Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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