He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
