It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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