Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
