Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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