Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
