Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
