apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wear drunk well.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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