did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
