what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
