i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
