U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize