I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
