my vag is so smooth its legendary
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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