After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
