i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
