We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
