Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
