No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
