remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
