how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
