You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
