Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
