and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
