Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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