so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
