He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
