Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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