it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
