I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
