You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
