My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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