Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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