My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
