just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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