My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
