i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
