Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
