dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We're too hungover to prance.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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