What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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