Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
