Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
