Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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