You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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