Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
