other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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