Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
