watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
