Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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